Then and Now

I am currently 38 years old and had been shooting heroin on and off for 21 years. I have seven felonies, two prison numbers and now one leg. I’ve destroyed relationships, crashed cars, lost jobs, wasted money and pissed away a lot of opportunities.nI’ve watched many die around me and been warned multiple times. I’ve lived a life of lies, theft and misery. Towards the end, I welcomed and prayed for death. I just wanted to silence the riot that raged inside my head. To say the least, I felt hopeless. I figured I’d end up in prison again or just die a dope fiend on the street.

I had just finished up six months in jail and three months of treatment. I had no money, no job, and didn’t know how I was going to support myself with my untested prosthetic leg in the real world. I was basically looking for a safe place I could move into with no job, rent or security deposit up front. I did some searching and that’s how I found Tikvah Home for Men.

My first interview was with Ed, the house manager, and Pastor Todd from Willoughby Bible Church. It was kind of intimidating because they used a dry erase board with diagrams. This is where I found out about the three “W’s” (Want, Willingness and Work).

I was freaked out because Ed kept referring to Tikvah as a “home”, “family” and about being “brothers.” That’s all new to me. I traveled all my life because my parents were military and we moved a lot. I didn’t have a home. Home to me is where I lay my head at night for however long or short of time that may be. I’ve hurt a lot of my family over the years and even more of them want nothing to do with or keep a distance from me do to years of poor choices on my part. I could not relate when hearing all of this family talk. I’m an only child and have No idea about brothers or sisters. Towards the end of the interview, Ed asked a question. “What do you want to get from Tikvah?” I fired right back “To learn how to live life again!” After that first interview, I was at a crossroads. I didn’t wanna die on the streets a dope fiend but I wasn’t sure about all this family and brotherly love stuff either.

When I came back to Tikvah for my second interview, I honestly didn’t think I’d get accepted. I figured the other guy they interviewed would get it but not me. But then it hit me. I had the three “W’s.” I had a tiny speck of hope and (W)anted to be sober and recover. I surrendered a little bit and was willing to follow instruction and be guided by someone/something other than self-will. I finally accepted after 21 years on the streets, that I didn’t know how to live a sober life in peace. I’ve tried many times and methods but it just never stuck with me or worked out at all. I was finally (W)illing to give up some control, accept help and follow instructions. Even with the whole family, faith-based, brothers and God stuff. I had finally embraced the gift of desperation. I knew from the beginning I was gonna have to (W)ork hard for it. I had already worked long and hard destroying my life and creating this masterpiece known as “Mark Nobles.”

I now realized I was gonna have to work just as hard or harder to rebuild and improve my new life.

When I was accepted and moved into Tikvah, I committed to doing everything within myself to improve, recover and change. If I was to be asked to leave Tikvah, it wasn’t gonna be because of my lack of effort. I wanted and needed to change and do life differently. God graced me with the ways and means to do so. It is my responsibility to follow through. I still tell myself sometimes “Don’t **** this up Mark!

My journey at Tikvah was and stil is just blind faith. I never thought I’d have or even feel the way I do today. I’ve followed suggestions, put in the work and have steadily seen positive results. I had to get a job and become a productive member of society. I didn’t believe I was employable or could even find a real job. With my past felonies, prison record and one leg, I did not think any of these would be appealing qualities to potential employers. But those around me kept telling me to stay clean, keep trying, have faith and something will come through

In this blind faith journey, I have foun an employer that surprised me. During an interview, I talked to two supervisors that seemed to show an interest in me and actually cared. One of them told me “I believe in grace & forgiveness and some people need second, third and fourth chances.” I was thinking that is definitely me. These people eventually decided to give me that chance. I now have a good job, am learning a trade and have a sense of self-worth. It is amazing the results I’ve seen so far when I speak from my heart and do the work.

Along this faith journey I’ve discovered a sense of inner peace and freedom I never imagined before. Others have seen the changes and have reached out to me. I have gone into Lake County Jail to share my story and hope soon to do the same at Geauga Jail. I want to go back and share hope. I will also begin training to do peer support for new amputees. I can be an example to other amputees that life doesn’t have to end after loss of limb. For me, life has just begun. It will be a privilege to offer support for other people.

I never thought I would be able to give back. I never had anything to give. I gave everything to my addiction and took all I could from others. It is a miracle and a privilege to be able to give back today. I believe I am living on borrowed time. Too many times I should have died on the streets. For many years I chose to dance with the Devil and one of these days I will have to pay the fiddler. When I meet my maker and they tally up my life’s score card, I hope I have helped more people than I have hurt.

God is Good!

Check out this Facebook post from Mark in January, 2022.

Mark is reaping the rewards of “doing the next right thing!”